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***Before I get lost in rambling - and I'm way off the map tonight in that
particular department - I want to urge everyone to see section IV below. We
have a PODS Social/Dinner planned for this Thursday (5/9) and you may want
to check that out. Or not, but what am I really wasting here? Electrons?
Pixels? What the heck's a pixel? It sounds like some kind of weird fairy
dance.***
Hello once again,
I started drafting these minutes on Friday but, thanks to Micros**t, my
draft was lost. These reproduced minutes will be but pale imitations of the
last ones. Oh, they were masterful! Quotes from SNL's Phil Donahue
parodies, crazy witticisms, witty craziness, good-natured ridicule, and the
Question of Life (the answer to which, clearly, is 42) were all included.
I simply can't reproduce all that. My creative juices have separated like a
week-old glass of orange juice: the disgusting pulp pieces have sunk to the
bottom and the wimpy watery stuff has floated to the top. Somewhere in the
middle - maybe - there still is a hint, however slight, of quality. Don't
expect to find that here. Instead, it might help for you to grab your
computer monitor, shake it, and see if these are any funnier. I wouldn't
bet that they were, but your respective roommates might find them rather
amusing.
***A MESSAGE FROM THE PODS LEGAL DEPARTMENT: The Pagan Organization for
Diverse Sprituality (PODS), the University of Connecticut (UC), the Student
Union Board of Governors (SUBOG), the Underinsulted Student Government
(USG), the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), the Students for the Creative
Appreciation for Music (SCAM), the Distinguished Order of Role-playing Kids
(DORKS), the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), and Dan "Big
Bob" Liska (The Secretary) heretofore and henceforth make and have made no
claim, explicit or implied, that any or all of the following are true or
even a moderately good idea: (1) That grabbing your computer monitor and
shaking it will make things more funny, (2) That you have a roommate(s), (3)
That suing PODS would be a good idea, (4) That PODS has any money, anyway,
to be sued out of, (5) Speaking of which, we should probably tell you that
we have hired Arthur Andersen to audit our treasury every year since the
Nixon Administration, (6) Which means, of course, that (a) no one has a clue
about how much money we actually have and (b) we now have enough shredded
paper to host a ticker tape parade the size of which the world has never
seen (c) I mean, really! We're talking about _tons_ of the stuff. (d) We
had to move it the other day - from the secret hiding place in Tim's
roommate's laundry hamper to the PODS locker - and it took us twenty trips!
(e) We have decided to leave the size of those trips intentionally vague.
That way, you can't know the following: (i) How many of us there really are,
(ii) How much we can carry, (iii) The location of Tim's room, and (iv) How
the heck we managed to fit it all into the PODS locker. (v) Let's just say
we packed it REALLY tight. (vi) So don't open the door. Anyway, (f) did we
tell you that a moose once bit our sisters?*** THOSE RESPONSIBLE FOR SACKING
THOSE WHO WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR SACKING THE PODS LEGAL DEPARTMENT LAST TIME
WISH IT TO BE KNOWN THAT THEY HAVE BEEN SACKED. Or something.
Therefore, the rest of these minutes have been written at the last minute
and at the greatest expense. I'll see you at the bottom...
---Final PODS Minutes (for 5/2)---
I. GRATUITOUS SNL CELEBRITY JEOPARDY PHIL DONAHUE QUOTE
A. "Well, my dear good man, the board appears ... to be mine. I mean
in a tricky game where questions are answers, answers are questions, who's
on first, what's in the chicken, whoa ... and all of a sudden, I'm
walkin'..."
II. ANNOUNCEMENTS
A. Mike
1. Mike, when given a pamphlet containing the Word of the Lord God
the other day at work, responded by giving the gentleman a PODS business
card. The gentleman then turned purple and stormed out. Mike and Cat (she
got the cards for us) have been acclaimed emperor (yes, that's singular) by
PODS. Congratulations to both of you, or one of you, depending on how
you're dividing the emperorship.
2. Is emperorship a word? Should it be?
B. Hannah
1. Hannah compromised national security at work the other day
(hmm... a pattern) by responding to a caller's request for her to dial
something like #90. This immediately gave the thief access to Hannah's
work's telephone account which they used to call Afghanistan for two and a
half hours. Surprisingly, this appears to be the truth. For those of you
who've seen Lethal Weapon 4 - where Chris Rock goes off on that exact
thing - you will also be doubtful.
2. OK, so here's the quote: "Sombody took my phone number and called
Afghanistan. Afghanistan! I don't know nobody in Afghanistan, I don't know
what f*ckin' Afghanistan look like! And even if I did, I would not talk to
their Afghan ass for three hours! I won't talk to my daddy for three
hours."
a. If you want the sound clip, let me know and I'll email it to
you. It's truly classic.
C. Dan
1. Another shameless Phil Donahue quote: "Little Bobby and Little
Suzie have hung their stockings ... with ... care. Mom and Dad are out
lookin' for Tickle Me Elmo until 5AM and all of a sudden, Bobby looks up and
he says, 'Hey! ... Who ... is ... this ... Jesus?' Meanwhile, Kris Kringle
is drinkin' Coke, the reindeer are playin' Nintendo, the elves are wearin'
Nikes, they're walkin' around..."
2. OK, make it two: "We live in a society where everyone CLAIMS to
be color-blind. ... What's goin' on?"
III. NEXT SEMESTER PLANNING (Actual Productive Things We Did)
A. August: "Big Red"
- 27: Activities Fair (Tuesday during the day, somewhere TBD)
- 29: Unofficial Meeting (Thursday, like all meetings, 7PM, like
usual, location SU room TBD)
B. September: "Not Just for Virgos Anymore"
- 5: "What is Spirituality?" Discussion
- 12: A PODS' Introduction to Paganism, or: "So, What the Heck's an
Athame?"
- 19: Basic Pagan Ritual Training Day I (*)
*Please see legal disclaimer in the 4/16/02 message
"Reminder: Pagan Training Day" (**)
**Seeing as we no longer have a legal
department, I can't include it again. (***)
***Moose bites can be
dangerous... (****)
**** <WHAM!> <WHAM!>
<WHAM!> <WHAM!>
- 21: Full Moon (Saturday)
- 26: MABON RITUAL and WOODSY-TYPE STUFF
C. October "Fjord Month"
- 3: Community Service Project work and/or planning
- 10: Massage Night with The Massage Lady
- 17: Samhain Planning and Random Energy Circle
- 21: Full Moon (Monday)
- 24: "Do You Drum With Kyle?" Drum Circle and Emergency Samhain
Planning Circle
- 31: SAMHAIN CIRCLE!!! (and it's a Thursday!)
D. November "So What's the Big Deal About Circles? Yeah, they're round.
Big deal. Squares are square and you don't see any religions centered
around them. Well, maybe the Ancient Greeks, but they were whacked out
anyway, so let's just ignore them. But all the normal civilizations,
they're just like, 'yeah, a circle, that'd look good on my shield' or 'on my
hut' or 'painted on my ... never mind' but they didn't found major RELIGIONS
around them. So come on!"
- 7: Yule Planning
- 14: TBD
- 20: Full Moon (Wednesday)
- 21: TBD
- 28: Thanksgiving (NO PODS)
E. December "Are you dissing the circle? Let me tell you a little
something about the square, you November pig-dog! It's really a rectangle."
"No!" "Yes! It has four sides, like the rectangle, all of which are joined
by right angles. Basically, the square is simply a rectangle with
equilateral sides." "Oh. I thought only triangles had equilateral sides."
"No, actually that is a common misconception. Any polygon can be
equilateral - the term comes from the Latin words 'equus' which means
'horse' and 'latus' which means 'hidden'. You see, if all the sides are
equal in any regular shape - except the dodecahedron, but we won't mention
that one - you can hide a horse behind it. Hence the name." "That sounds a
little shady to me. Are you sure?" "Totally. Some guy from Sweden told me
so. He kinda looked like Phil Donahue." "Phil Donahue? Are you sure he
was a Swede?" "Now that you mention it, he did look an awful lot like a
moose in a Swedish Phil Donahue costume." "You can get Swedish Phil Donahue
costumes?" "Ja. In a society where time is more important than family,
God, and country, Dad's working two shifts at the factory. Mom's got three
jobs..." "<WHAM!>"
- All meetings: TBD
IV. PODS' LAST SUPPER THIS THURSDAY
A. Guess who's coming to dinner? Us!
B. The details:
1. Thursday, May 9.
2. Meet at 6PM sharp at the circle between South A and South B.
3. If you have any questions before 5:55PM, you can try me at my
room at 427-4058.
4. Otherwise, call one of the following cellphones to find out where
we are and what we're doing.
a. Alyssa: 460-6994
b. Cat: 729-1295
c. Kyle: 608-1849
C. No shirt, no shoes, no service. They said nothing about pants. Or
trousers, for that matter...
Well, it is once again getting late as it all too often does. As you know,
I am graduating and will be doing the "PODS Thing" and vaporizing, perhaps
never to return again. That's probably a good thing, as Eric The Younger is
taking over as Secretary. I'll need to be pretty close to oblivion (or at
least a padded room) when that happens. Stand back, the E-Train is rollin'
into the station! I can be reached - debatably so - if necessary. If you
don't have my non-UConn email address already and want it, drop me a note
and I might give it to you. Or not, but then you at least know where you
stand. I guess it's a Political Science saying to say "You stand where you
sit." That makes sense, I suppose, but you really have to look at it
upside-down for a while in order to get that. Or shake the monitor. That
usually works too. In all seriousness, though, it's been a great couple of
years and I've been honored (read: forced) to serve as Secretary. Thanks
for the memories.
To Nate, who is heading off to Oregon for grad school, PODS wishes you a
fond farewell. I can't fathom PODS without you and I suspect your presence
will be sorely missed in the upcoming years. To the rest of you who may or
may not ever wander into PODS again, it's been quite a time. Let's meet
sometime for coffee. I'm a bit of a coffee snob, but you can learn to live
with it. I have.
Anyway, I must sign off for the last time, as departing Secretaries have
always done and will always do. To each in his turn, I always say.
Actually, I've never said that before, but it sounded more impressive than
quoting Monty Python or SNL right about now. I think you'll agree.
Well, I'll see some or all of you on Thursday or hopefully at some point in
the not too distant future...
With love and peace,
And most sincerely yours,
Dan
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